Tried-and-True Tips for Potty Training Children Quickly, Joyfully, and Completely

What are the secrets for potty training children successfully? Is there really any magic formula for getting it right the first time? In my opinion the answer to both of these questions is “yes” – but the formula for effective potty training may be quite different than you’d expect.

Over the last three decades I’ve potty trained many toddlers and witnessed firsthand what methods and techniques work best for the majority of children. Additionally, I have counseled hundreds of parents along the way and conducted extensive research in order to learn what pediatricians, child therapists, and other experts advise.

And although potty training methods vary widely the process boils down to a choice between four basic approaches and adherence to some very fundamental “truths.” They are:

1. Toddlers have a profound and earnest wish to grow and master new skills, even though they may act as stubborn as mules! If I had waited for my own children – or any of the many others I’ve trained – to cease their “hard-headedness,” they’d still be wearing diapers! So, one of the prerequisites for potty training children successfully are parents who believe and embrace this tenet. In other words, toddlers want to pee pee or poop (terms I’ve chosen to use :>) in the toilet just like mom, dad, brother, sister, friends, and family members! And this need is so intense that it eventually wins out!

Potty training children should never become a battle. If you push, punish, or get angry, you and your child will both fail. Instead, it should be approached as a joyful rite of passage and an opportunity for parents to teach their children how to work together to accomplish their goals. The good news is that this can be achieved with the right mindset, proper tried-and-true techniques, and consistent action.

2. Normal, healthy toddlers between the ages of 18 and 27 months should be physically ready for potty training, even though some – especially girls – may be ready as early as 16 months. The American Academy of Pediatrics supports this and states that the vast majority of children have fully mature sphincter muscles (needed for elimination) between 12 and 24 months, with 18 months as a good average. (For more details on the right potty training age, see my article titled, ”The 5 Best Ways for Determining Whether Your Child is Ready For Potty Training”)

3. Parents who have a well-thought-out and workable plan – and execute it properly (this is a big one) – are far more successful (i.e. their children are potty trained faster, less stressfully, and more completely) than those who do not. Period.

This is the most vital component for effective potty training children, and I cannot emphasize it enough! After many years of personal experience I can state categorically and without reservation, that when potty training “goes wrong,” parents are the root cause for the failure 99% of the time (the only exceptions are children who are not ready, too young or suffer from physical, emotional, or mental disabilities).

Why? First, some fail because they begin the process in a “loosey-goosey” fashion. Let’s face it, most of us have little potty training experience before we have children – it’s certainly not something they teach in schools. But, parents have been potty training children for thousands of years – some more successfully than others, I’ll admit – so there’s no need to reinvent the wheel. Before beginning, I strongly urge you to listen and learn. Find out as much as you can about various methods and then proactively choose one that works for you!

Second, many parents who have a well-thought-out plan for potty training their children fail because they do not follow the plan in a careful and consistent manner. Remember, a great plan with poor execution will get you to the same place as a lousy plan with great execution: nowhere.

For example, I’ve known many parents who spent considerable time and energy researching all of the various potty training methods and ultimately chose my BRIEFS™ method. They bought my e-book, purchased needed supplies, and set aside time (many even took time off of work without pay) in preparation for “potty training day.” Simply put, they approached the process eagerly and well prepared.

However, several hours – and perhaps accidents – later, they lost focus, and things continued to spiral downward. In other words, they failed to stick to the plan (and it’s all laid out very clearly in step-by-step fashion) and achieved poor outcomes. What happens next? They usually either continue down this non-productive path until they give up or I receive a frantic call or email asking for help. I ask them to describe their situations and answer several important questions, and 9.5 time out of 10, Mom’s or Dad’s lack of consistency and follow through has sabotaged their potty training efforts! Once they realize this, most correct their mistakes and try again – with a far different result the second time. Essentially, then, two of the most important ingredients for potty training children successfully are proper planning and execution!

The Four Basic Methods for Potty Training Children

As I mentioned earlier, there are four fundamental potty training methodologies (although there are many variations of each one). They are:

Method #1 – Self Taught

• Widely used method where parents introduce their child to the potty and let them train themselves.

• Based on theory that potty training is developmental skill like walking, talking, eating solid foods, etc.

• Pros:

- Requires little preparation

- Easy lifestyle fit – parents have no real commitment in process

• Drawbacks:

- Takes 1-6 months longer

- May interfere with daycare because children are usually older

- More expensive. Diapers needed for longer period of time.

- Difficulties associated with reversing more entrenched behaviors.

Method #2 – Start-When-They’re-Babies

• Not widely used in US (mostly in developing nations)
• Parents hold infant over potty to catch eliminations
• Theoretically babies will gradually learn to signal before it’s time to go

• Pros:

- Good for parent-child bonding

- Early end to diapers

- Avoids entrenched habits evidenced in older children

- More cost effective and better environmentally – early end to diapers

• Drawbacks:

- Time consuming & difficult for working parents

- Requires extreme levels of attention & commitment from parents

- Accidents –and resulting clean up – are more frequent

Method #3: Practice Makes Perfect

• Parents introduce potty to their children and gradually teach them over time

• Parents conduct regular teaching sessions and toddlers practice until they get it right

• Usually includes some type of reward system when desired behaviors are achieved (e.g. stickers, candy, toys)

• Parents gradually transition from diapers to pull-ups to underwear

• Pros:

- Easy fit for busy parents

- Requires little preparation (other than a potty training chair)

• Drawbacks:

- Sticking to regular practice schedule can be difficult

- May take days, weeks, months or years, depending on child’s maturity level & temperament

- Toddlers may not learn to use potty unless parents initiate

- May be difficult to keep toddlers on potty long enough to eliminate

Method #4: BRIEFS™ Method – Accelerated (This is the system I use. It is very similar to the method recommended by Dr. Phil and other experts)

• Before potty training children parents assess their developmental and chronological readiness
• One parent (or teacher) commits to potty training process for 24-48 hours
• Parent prepares for potty training session and sets up one-on-one environment with their child and carefully follows specific instructions designed to accelerate the potty-training process
• Combines time-tested, wholesome behavioral modification techniques within a positive, nurturing and emotionally supportive environment.

• Pros:

- Wonderful bonding opportunity for children and parents

- Accomplished in much less time than traditional methods

- Affords parents more daycare options since their children are usually potty trained at younger ages

- More cost-effective – don’t need diapers for long and no need to purchase pull-ups

- Process isn’t dragged out over months or years

• Drawbacks:

- Requires preparation, planning, commitment, consistency and follow-through on parents’ part

- During first few days accidents may occur more frequently before diminishing or disappearing all together